I came out of this weekend learning a little about blogging and A LOT about myself. I thought I had this covered. I lost the weight...I have the page... I tell people daily how to overcome X, Y, and Z.
I must be 100% happy, I mean why wouldn't I be?
When I surrounded myself with 300 other people facing their own struggles and their own journeys, celebrating their own victories, crying their own tears, overcoming their own fears, I could feel all the pain...
I let my guard down to a place where it's never been. I actually looked inside of myself and I asked myself a question to which I was surprised of the answer.
***Allow me to preface the following with: I do LOVE me. I know I am worthy and I love the person that I am becoming. But I have much more growing to do as I get to know the NEW me***
I asked myself, "Are you truly happy right here, right now at this point on your journey?"
My answer wasn't a flat out "Yes". It wasn't a simple "No" either. Hence, my surprise. I thought I was truly happy!!
This realization came in one of the sessions at Fit Bloggin'. It was a discussion on self acceptance. I was the first one to offer to speak.
I told them about my post a little while back about "Keeping up with the Jones's" . I talked about how I had learned to accept myself without comparing myself to others on this journey. I gave my speech and then one of the moderators asked me something to the tune of "So has this made a significant impact on your journey?" .
Which really made me think: DO I ACCEPT MYSELF FOR WHO I AM??! ......seriously???
I started to think about how many times a day I comment about the skin on my stomach, how big my thighs are, how big my calves are, how I preface my strong biceps by shaking and pointing out my flabby triceps, how I complain about 1-5 pounds, and the list goes on. I've stopped comparing myself to those around me but have I stopped comparing myself to.....myself?
And then it hit me - I have NOT fully accepted myself and at this point - right here, right now, I was not FULLY happy. I am more critical of myself NOW than before I lost the weight. I nit-pick - specifically when it comes to the scale!
and there is ALWAYS a "however".....
I don't plan to stay here. Which is why I mentioned yesterday on Facebook that changes ARE coming. I will introduce the changes as they come, as I always share my good times and bad (Not that this is a "bad time...just an "AHA" moment).
As I told my honey this last night, in his infinite wisdom, he made a good analogy. He said:
"It's like when your house is really junky and you clean it all up, fold the clothes, mop the floors, scrub the bathrooms, then all of a sudden you feel like you didn't do enough because the dust on top of the cabinets wasn't cleaned. Even though before you did ALL of the above, you never even noticed the dust."
Much more to come regarding Fit Bloggin' and all that I took home with me in lessons, goodies, and friendships.
|I'm a work in progress.