Monday, September 24, 2012

A Fit Bloggin' Self Realization

Several months ago I made the spur of the moment decision to attend a conference that I had never heard of 10 minutes prior. I was looking for a way to become a better blogger and possibly even start making money with blogging so I randomly signed up for Fit Bloggin' 2012. Little did I know that eight months later I would be experiencing a weekend that I will never forget. A weekend that, for me, I feel was a turning point in my journey.

I came out of this weekend learning a little about blogging and A LOT about myself. I thought I had this covered. I lost the weight...I have the page... I tell people daily how to overcome X, Y, and Z.

I must be 100% happy, I mean why wouldn't I be?

When I surrounded myself with 300 other people facing their own struggles and their own journeys, celebrating their own victories, crying their own tears, overcoming their own fears, I could feel all the pain...

the struggle,
the joy,
the success,
the fear,
the hope.

I let my guard down to a place where it's never been. I actually looked inside of myself and I asked myself a question to which I was surprised of the answer.

***Allow me to preface the following with: I do LOVE me. I know I am worthy and I love the person that I am becoming. But I have much more growing to do as I get to know the NEW me***

I asked myself, "Are you truly happy right here, right now at this point on your journey?"

My answer wasn't a flat out "Yes". It wasn't a simple "No" either. Hence, my surprise. I thought I was truly happy!!

This realization came in one of the sessions at Fit Bloggin'. It was a discussion on self acceptance. I was the first one to offer to speak.
I told them about my post a little while back about "Keeping up with the Jones's" . I talked about how I had learned to accept myself without comparing myself to others on this journey. I gave my speech and then one of the moderators asked me something to the tune of "So has this made a significant impact on your journey?" .

Which really made me think: DO I ACCEPT MYSELF FOR WHO I AM??! ......seriously???

I started to think about how many times a day I comment about the skin on my stomach, how big my thighs are, how big my calves are, how I preface my strong biceps by shaking and pointing out my flabby triceps, how I complain about 1-5 pounds, and the list goes on. I've stopped comparing myself to those around me but have I stopped comparing myself to.....myself?

And then it hit me - I have NOT fully accepted myself and at this point - right here, right now, I was not FULLY happy. I am more critical of myself NOW than before I lost the weight. I nit-pick - specifically when it comes to the scale!


and there is ALWAYS a "however".....

I don't plan to stay here. Which is why I mentioned yesterday on Facebook that changes ARE coming. I will introduce the changes as they come, as I always share my good times and bad (Not that this is a "bad time...just an "AHA" moment).

As I told my honey this last night, in his infinite wisdom, he made a good analogy. He said:

"It's like when your house is really junky and you clean it all up, fold the clothes, mop the floors, scrub the bathrooms, then all of a sudden you feel like you didn't do enough because the dust on top of the cabinets wasn't cleaned. Even though before you did ALL of the above, you never even noticed the dust." 

Truth? Truth.

Much more to come regarding Fit Bloggin' and all that I took home with me in lessons, goodies, and friendships.

I'm a work in progress. 



safire said...

Great thought-provoking post. I consider myself a work in progress too. :)

lilblonde said...

I'm a definite work in progress. 2 years ago I was down on myself,hated myself... I started the south beach diet and eatting clean and within 1.5 years I lost 112. Went from 218 to 112. I learned a lot in that time span . I'm still working at it. I have a lot of information to offer and I know I'm ready to learn more...

Country Creations of the Fingerlakes said...

Great post! I was just thinking this morning of how I beat myself up about things when I should be really proud of where I am! For example, I have lost about 40 pounds since May and going back to work (I am a teacher) I have realized that the clothes that I wore last year don't fit me anymore...I should be happy, right?! Instead I am super paranoid about how the clothes are looking on me and talking about how much I hate to go clothes shopping. I need to learn to take the good as it comes...and that is why I'm sticking with you girl! Keep the awesome posts coming...I still have about 50 pounds to go...I'll be right here listening to what you have to say!

Nisha M said...

Great post. I do this all the time too! I think it's a tough balance of wanting to do/be better, but also being grateful for all the great things in my life! Acceptance is hard, but it truly is a blessing! Having acceptance makes getting better fun! However, when I don't accept myself/others/situations/you name it, doing/being better is a sad struggle. It's all perspective, right? :) And for me, my acceptance fluctuates back and forth, which is annoying! lol...but I'm human, so I know I'm not the only one ;)

Thanks again for the post.

Daphne said...

First, my back hurts looking at you doing this back bend! LOL :) and then second, really powerful post and weekend you had! This is fabulous! Wishing you the very best with all that's ahead. Change is awesome. Embrace it! Have fun with it!

Anonymous said...

I am finally getting around to trying to get online connected with people I met last weekend, so hello! I really enjoyed having met you at FitBloggin... although I was totally convinced your name was Michelle.
Am looking forward to keeping up with you in the bloggy world going forward!

kaceyjewel said...

Great thought-provoking post. I consider myself a work in progress too. :)
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