Sunday, March 18, 2012

My drug of choice.

Hi, my name is Krystle and I am a food addict.

What do alcoholics do? Cocaine addicts? Heroin addicts? Admit they have a problem, maybe go to rehab, then they have to cut the drug of choice out of their lives completely if they want to stay sober, right? Then they take pride in being sober and completely clean for a certain amount of time but my guess would be that if they started using their drug of choice again, even in moderation, they would fall victim to the addiction.

So what if my drug of choice is food??? I can't go cold turkey on food. I can't cut it out of my life completely. I need it to survive!

95% of my life I am full of energy and positivity. This week has been that other 5%, specifically the last 2 days. I realized that no matter how much I change my ways and habits, no matter how much I choose to eat healthy and track my food, deep down I am still a fat girl. I still have deep rooted issues when it comes to food. There are times when I can NOT control myself no matter how much I try.

That bothers the living hell out of me.

While I have no problem being a Weight Watcher for life, and working for them will make sure that I stay focused and at my goal, it sometimes bothers me that those were the cards I was dealt and that weight and food issues is something I will always have to struggle to maintain and consciously think about. I'll never be one of those people who can just eat and know that they will make the right choices in order to not gain weight. I'll never be one of those people that when I'm sad or going through a bad time, someone asks me if I ate today. That will never be me. I'll forever and always be someone who has to write down what I eat, consciously think about what is going into my mouth, consciously think about exercising, and keep an eye on the scale otherwise I will way too easily be that 250+ pound woman again and that is not where I want to be.

NOW.....while it bothers me on one hand....that is the hand I was dealt and since I live my life positively, I have to just play the hand and play it well.

Like any addiction, the first step is admitting I have a problem. I'm here to tell you that I have ISSUES! I seriously have a love/hate relationship with food but I am working my behind off to change that relationship. After a year and a half on program and almost 100lbs later, I still have REALLY REALLY HARD DAYS/WEEKS!!

This motivates me as much as it motivates others.
I don't have any philosophical answer to this problem of mine other than thank the Lord for Weight Watchers. I am okay with being a Weight Watcher for life. I'm okay with the hand that I was dealt. I'm okay with it because, like I said in a previous blog, this is MY LIFE. I was put here for a reason, to accomplish certain goals, and to inspire and motivate others and I hope that by me sharing my rough times - because this week has been pretty crappy for me - that the people who are inspired my good days, still stick around on my bad days.

With all that being said, I went and checked my weight at WW today after having a bad week and gained 0.6, which considering the week I had is not that bad!!! Today, I am back on track. I can't promise a huge workout because my back is killing me but I am tracking and I am focused. I don't want to continue to have to share rough days with you. I want to bring good news to you all!!

Stick around. Positivity to come!!! :)

I wear this prayer on a bracelet daily.
Love ya'll!


Evonne425 said...

Your week sounds just like mine! I also started out at 250+ (more like 290+) and have used WW to take off 110-120lbs (depending on the Its nice to know someone else is in the same boat with a similar story. By motivation is my two year old...I wanna be around when she grows up. Thanks for blogging! Love the constant motivation and realism. :) I also follow you on facebook. ---Evonne Nelson

Still Hungry said...

Food addiction is such a real issue and one that I have had to come to terms with by admitting it. I have done WW and it's an excellent program, and I'm doing a modified version of it now but with lower carb counts, that is just what seems to work for my body personally.

One step I did take however that really helped me come to grips with my food addiction: Attending Overeaters Anonymouse meetings. What a motivational and inspiring group of people who GET IT!!! It's the first time I've been around people who truly understand the relationship I have with food and who wholeheartedly want to see me succeed in whatever weight loss program I choose. But weight loss is not their focus, supporting you through understanding, compassion and following the steps.

I don't mean for this to sound like an ad for OA, but for anyone who is really struggling to address the food addiction, it's a great partner to your weight loss program.

Very glad I found your page on FB and look forward to following this blog! You're very inspirational and very real! Keep it up!


Unknown said...

Sounds like we had very similar weeks. Although mine ended up with a loss, it wouldn't have if I hadn't worked my butt off the week before. I was over almost ALL week, I made horrible food choices, and I too know that I will have to battle this my entire life. I get extremely jealous of people who CAN do "diets" because I could never completely cut out certain foods. I also get extremely jealous of people that start losing weight and have no hiccups or challenges along the way. I know I need to "not" compare my journey to anyone elses. I guess its something I'm still working on.

Anyhow, seeing how far you have come, and knowing that you too have hiccups helps keep me inspired and believing that its not how many times you fall on this journey, but how many times you stay on track and as long as you are on-track more than you are off, success will come! :)

Sherrie said...

Thank you so much for your honesty and your willingness to share your struggles here- while your photos are inspiring (you look great!), I am even more inspired to know that someone who looks as great as you still has many of the same struggles with food that the rest of us have.

RubyAlison said...

I forget where I originally found this, but at some point I came across this online and it really spoke to me so I copied it down. Your post reminded me of it, so I thought I would share:

"I was lamenting with my sister, who is also on WW, that I get so tired of always having to watch what I eat, tracking it, thinking about it, etc., and that I will likely have to do it my entire life. My sister said she looks at it this way: some people have problems such as diabetes, or allergies, or other physical issues that they have to deal with their entire lives. She and I have none of those issues, so this is ours.

I'm very fortunate not to have any major health issues (thank God and knock on wood) so having to watch my weight seems less of an issue when you put it in that context and compared to what some people have to deal with."

SherBear said...

I have just recently come across your blog and you have inspired me to write my own and start changing my life as well. Thank you for sharing your struggles because it is nice to know that I'm not the only one having difficulty with being healthy. Good luck in your life and I will continue to follow your progress.

Tere's World said...

You can do it. Food is definitely an addition, along with so many other things. It's admitting it that is the hardest. I have been there and struggled with it also. You are not alone... and now others know they aren't either... thank you for your honestly and truth.

Unknown said...

Thanks a lot for sharing. You have done a brilliant job. Your article is truly relevant to my study at this moment, and I am really happy I discovered your website.

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