What do alcoholics do? Cocaine addicts? Heroin addicts? Admit they have a problem, maybe go to rehab, then they have to cut the drug of choice out of their lives completely if they want to stay sober, right? Then they take pride in being sober and completely clean for a certain amount of time but my guess would be that if they started using their drug of choice again, even in moderation, they would fall victim to the addiction.
So what if my drug of choice is food??? I can't go cold turkey on food. I can't cut it out of my life completely. I need it to survive!
95% of my life I am full of energy and positivity. This week has been that other 5%, specifically the last 2 days. I realized that no matter how much I change my ways and habits, no matter how much I choose to eat healthy and track my food, deep down I am still a fat girl. I still have deep rooted issues when it comes to food. There are times when I can NOT control myself no matter how much I try.
That bothers the living hell out of me.
While I have no problem being a Weight Watcher for life, and working for them will make sure that I stay focused and at my goal, it sometimes bothers me that those were the cards I was dealt and that weight and food issues is something I will always have to struggle to maintain and consciously think about. I'll never be one of those people who can just eat and know that they will make the right choices in order to not gain weight. I'll never be one of those people that when I'm sad or going through a bad time, someone asks me if I ate today. That will never be me. I'll forever and always be someone who has to write down what I eat, consciously think about what is going into my mouth, consciously think about exercising, and keep an eye on the scale otherwise I will way too easily be that 250+ pound woman again and that is not where I want to be.
NOW.....while it bothers me on one hand....that is the hand I was dealt and since I live my life positively, I have to just play the hand and play it well.
Like any addiction, the first step is admitting I have a problem. I'm here to tell you that I have ISSUES! I seriously have a love/hate relationship with food but I am working my behind off to change that relationship. After a year and a half on program and almost 100lbs later, I still have REALLY REALLY HARD DAYS/WEEKS!!
|This motivates me as much as it motivates others.|
With all that being said, I went and checked my weight at WW today after having a bad week and gained 0.6, which considering the week I had is not that bad!!! Today, I am back on track. I can't promise a huge workout because my back is killing me but I am tracking and I am focused. I don't want to continue to have to share rough days with you. I want to bring good news to you all!!
Stick around. Positivity to come!!! :)
|I wear this prayer on a bracelet daily.|