Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Welcome to my war.

This journey can make or break a person. I don't think some of us fully realize what we sign up for when we A) Decide to lose weight, B) Decide to share it with others, and C) Decide to lose such a significant amount that is going to completely change our lives.
I do believe that I am being MADE, not broken. I want to take a moment to thank everybody who has been there for me thus far through the good times and bad, through the ups and the downs, and have been there supporting me 110%....the journey is not over.....it's just beginning.

Maintenance is forcing me to really put myself in check. Where did I come from? Where do I want to go? What's next for me?

I found myself talking to myself in the mirror at the gym the other day as I tried to murder the elliptical. I was saying "Stop being complacent. Stop settling. Push yourself to want more for yourself. You deserve more than just reaching goal weight. This isn't over for you".

I know some of you are like "Stop being so hard on yourself" .....but here's the thing - if you don't want more for yourself in life then you aren't dreaming big enough. My goal is to be able to truly help others, not because I reached my goal weight, but because I can confidently look within myself and see a changed woman that can reach out and help change someone else. I am not there yet. I see, hear, and read the comments and emails saying how much I have changed people's lives but when I look inside of myself, I still see so much work that needs to be done. I see issues that need dealing with.

I read a blog once that talked about the fear that one day the "Skinnyville" officers are going to realize I don't belong here and lock me up and ship me back to Fatland. I know it sounds silly.....it is silly......but for those of you who have "lived" in both places, I think you can relate.

*sigh****....I'm rambling. This blog doesn't have an exact purpose. Before I started writing, I was rubbing my temples, deciding what to write, thinking about 10 million things, having my daily war in my mind. So I am letting you in on my war.

I'm a complicated person. I am thankful for who I am though. I'm here for a purpose....or several.....I can't figure myself out sometimes and I don't expect anyone else to. I'm just thankful to be on the journey of life, soaking it all in, learning lessons along the way, helping who I can, reaching out for help when I need it. All I hope is to leave my mark on the world when I'm gone.

I live. I love. I learn. I am KJB. Fin.


B.H said...

This is why I run. I am no where near at my success such as you are, but I have found that running a race a month helps keep me to push myself! I set a time to beat. It took me 4 races (4 months) but I finally did it! Now I have a new time to beat and I know it will be a while, but it keeps me pushing! I saw you ran your 1st race maybe that is something that will help to build that insperation! You look amazing!

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